Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving yourself is one thing that never comes to an end. We’re only human…which means we’re going to make mistakes along the way. We may cause ourselves to miss out on opportunities that would better our lives or career, unintentionally hurt people we care about, trust the wrong people, and unintentionally harms ourselves. When things like this happen, our immediate response is to make sure it doesn’t happen again while quietly belittling and punishing ourselves.
The idea of forgiving oneself always threw me for a loop. There were always so many questions but most of all, I wondered whether I was worth the forgiveness. For some reason, forgiving oneself took away accountability in my mind. It meant I was somehow getting off free for causing harm to my life and others, but that was never the case. If anything, I became vigilant in my punishment towards myself with unkind words and thoughts. I started to believe I was a bad person even when the people around me reminded me I was not. They reminded me that people make mistakes but that doesn’t make them bad people.
This thought is not generally accepted by many.
In that same breath, while questioning forgiveness towards oneself, I learnt I was questioning whether I deserved compassion. Whether I deserved to hold myself accountable and move forward with my life. I was letting the mistake define who I was and would be from that point on; instead of allowing there to be room for change, reconciliation with self, and compassion.
As I said before, I’m learning that a person is not the sum of their mistakes but the action they take to correct themselves. So if I could give the same grace and compassion to others, why not extend it to myself? Honestly, what would one gain out of punishing themselves? Resentment for one’s self? A smaller idea of one’s worth? or move through life with the dark clouds of their mistakes making their every decision?
I don’t believe that anyone would want that for another, so why want it for yourself?
Forgiving yourself extends grace. It creates space for accountability without a harsh hand and tongue. Gives you room to effectively deal with the result of your actions. It reminds you that you’re not a lost cause and you’re worth fighting for. It reminds you to want and work towards bettering who you are. It also gives you a chance to clear your conscience. Giving you the opportunity to remind yourself of who you are, your intentions, your values, and how you can correct yourself.
We’re going to make mistakes along the way and deal with the outcome of our actions. It’s a part of life. So why not add a bit of grace and compassion for yourself along the way.