The art of self dating
We’re in the month of love and it’s Valentine’s Day. There seems to be an excessive amount of relationship talk being thrown around. It’s not like anyone’s forcing you to be in one but they kind of are. There’s the constant reminder (parents and social media) that a lot of us are in our 20s and should start looking for a life partner.
But I’m not here to talk bout romantic relationships. I’m here to talk about the relationship with self. It’s redesigned and repackaged every single day due to the ever changing philosophy of human nature/ nurture and what we need. We are built to adapt and relate but when we’re not able to relate to ourselves, everything seems to get mixed up along the way. And that’s when we need to pay the most attention to ourselves and nothing else. Not all of us have the luxury of doing that but the least we can do is try.
When we get into romantic relationships we have different stages before we reach a committed relationship, I’d like to think we have the same stages when it comes to a relationship with self.
We start out by getting to know a person; what they like to watch? What are their hobbies? What are their pet peeves? What’s their favourite colour? Do they watch sports and if so, what teams do they support?
It always starts out as the smallest things. That make us laugh and smile because we find similarities along the way, then we get deeper.
We go from that to; what were you like as a kid? What are your spiritual/religious views? What was your last romantic relationship like? What’s the worst thing that has happened to you? What’s the best thing that has happened to you? What are you healing from? What do you want for yourself? What’s been a pivotal pointing your life? What’s your relationship with your parents like? Are you still hurting from something in your past?
At this point, we’re getting to know the person through their heart, beyond their exterior. We want to know the type of person they are when no one’s watching.
So we continue on this course and commit to getting to know this person spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. We offer help and comfort where necessary and offer constructive criticism as well.
We may have gone through ups downs through the course of the relationship but that doesn’t stop someone when you’re committed. (I’m aware not all romantic relationships are meant to last but let’s keep going) With forgiveness, communication, respect, awareness and compassion…we find that we’re able to create a great relationship with deeper understanding. We’re able to recognise growth in romantic relationships because we’ve taken the time to get to know each other and the dynamic over time…so how do you know you’ve grown if you don’t get to know yourself?
Getting to know your self can follow this same pattern because it really is the same. When we start to get to know someone there’s a softness attached to the stranger…a compassion for who they are because you’re seeing it from a different perspective and you care. That same care can be applied to self.
When we sit down and intentionally listen to someone’s story, we offer solace. We offer a safe space for this person to open up and fully feel what and who they are without shame or guilt.
Sitting down with yourself in this manner is hard and painful but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. A lot of us need help (family, friends, therapy etc) along the way and that’s completely okay. As long as you start the journey, may you never stop dating yourself and getting to know you over time.
How are you committing to yourself today? How are you getting to know you?