For the most part…

For the better half of 2018, my life seemed to be heading in the “right” direction. I wasn’t fussing or worried about a lot of things because I was just doing what I could and everything seemed alright. At least that’s what I thought. Till I went home for the summer and everything came crashing down. It wasn’t the sort of volcano eruption everyone seems to talk about…it felt like I small misunderstanding after the other. 

I thought I was over somethings. I thought I was better at handling situations. I thought I could do this all over again. I thought I was going to get overwhelmed and spiral. But eventually everything caught up with me. One thing after the other, the problems I had refused to face came at me head on and with no remorse. 

So imagine going through all of that at the peak of summer…Crazy, right? 

I did everything I could to try and feel better. I felt like I had to see everyone too. I felt like I had to attend every single thing and talk to everyone but no one was holding a gun to my head…so why was I really doing all of that? 

So after everything that had happened for the past 4 months…I took a break. That meant talking to less people…involving myself in less activities and returning to my normal quiet routine ( going to school and straight back home). Through doing all of this I found myself alone…one of the worst feelings I could ever explain. It wasn’t comfortable. It was nice. There was no glamour in being alone with my thoughts and feelings about how the year was going. 

I had managed to ruin a great part of the year…all because I didn’t want to do the work. 

So as I sat for a couple of months, I had conversations with my people and talked about things that would come up..I tried doing the work for the rest of the year. 

I knew everything I’d done would come to a stand still or continue when I went back home for the holidays. So I made a decision, I wasn’t going to do something that didn’t feel right. No matter how hard it got, I wasn’t going to continue with the same old habits (I.e being destructive). 

So as soon as I landed, I didn’t tell anyone I was around and I slept for a week. 

Since I didn’t have work to do or somewhere to be. I took the privilege of resting for a week. 

I lived the rest of the December doing just that. 

Everyday, I’d wake up, have breakfast and read a book. After the morning routine, I’d start my day, I saw who I needed to see when I was comfortable and left when I needed to. 

Honouring the promise I made to myself, which is, to live a slow life. To make it as slow as possible. 

It helped that the book I was reading went hand in hand with the life I was trying to create for myself.

I started the year with wanting to be everywhere doing everything and ended it with slowing down and being present. 

Last year taught me to slow down and pay attention before I knew what that was called.

It taught me that if I wasn’t intentionally present with my life and the way that I lived, I wouldn’t have the life I envisioned. 

What did last year teach you?