The thing with words and phrases
When one’s starting to love their physical appearance; they tell themselves, or you hear society and others say “accept and love your flaws. They are beautiful imperfections.” I heard the phrases a lot and I went by it…for a while. I took the small steps required to boost my self-esteem such as; positive affirmations of my physical appearance, not comparing my self to people, stopping myself when I criticized my physical appearance, working out, skincare routine, etc. I’m not saying I followed it 24/7 365. Sometimes my emotions got the better of me and my “flaws” stood out like a rotten tomato. That led me back to square one and I had to start accepting my “flaws” all over again if I was going to feel better about myself.
I went home over the holiday and I wasn’t shocked when I encountered a lady and she told me to burn off the “things” on my face, as she pointed at them. Every fiber in me was enraged! How could someone that doesn’t know me, someone I had just met, tell me to burn something off my face? She started to give recommendations… telling me I’d look better without them. That my skin would look nicer. The “things” she was telling me to burn off were “freckles”. I love them and as they multiply over the years…I love them even more. I always admire them when I see them on the faces of my family members and the people around them.
So for the lady standing in front of me….I firmly told her, “No, I will not. I love them. They are beautiful” And continued to ask her “Why would I burn off something that is unique to me. Why would I try to change that? ” and she just stared at me. As if debating her self. Later, she told me that she had burnt hers off and I have given her a different perspective. She continued to tell me, with a sad look in her eyes, “ I wish I hadn’t burnt them off. I didn’t think people found them beautiful.” As I type this story…my heart aches for her. She changed something about her self she can’t get back.
People may have stretch marks, acne spots, cellulite, more body hair than others, shorter or taller than the average height in their society, smaller or bigger than the people around them, crooked or missing teeth, their skin tone might not be even, birthmarks that stand out….etc. These traits are seen as flaws. Your society may have a different set of “flaws” and every flaw harsher than the other.
A Flaw is “a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object.” The words that go along with it are…defect, shortcoming, blemish, fault, and so on.
Mentioning the story above and telling you the response, doesn’t mean I had reached a place of finally accepting my “flaws” or “imperfections”. I was able to say that to her because I had finally acknowledged that no matter how hard I told myself to love them I couldn’t because I was already using a word that viewed them negatively. A word and phrase that reminded me that it’s a mistake. How was I supposed to love myself if I continued to word parts of my body negatively, then proceed to repeat positive affirmations? It did not make sense to me. So I began to think about other words I was using with myself and the effects they had on my mind. Slowly but surely I stopped saying “normal” and started acknowledging that some traits are just accepted by the majority of society. Using the words “normal” with anything I was not…made me feel “abnormal”. Some might say “it’s not that serious” but it is. Every day I/we use words and phrases to define things, people, situations, and places in our lives without fully absorbing the meaning. Not taking into account the impact it has on our views. The way I viewed things had fallen into boxes of “normal”/“perfect” and “abnormal”/“imperfect”. That was something that had to change.
I had to unlearn the words and phrases I was so used to pairing with particular situations. I had to hold myself accountable for how I was making myself feel and contributing to what society had to say about me. I had to first love that part of me and not see me so negatively and if after that I still wanted to go into the procedure or/and work out, that’s fine too. It’s not easy. It’s never going to be a straight line and it’s taken me almost 9 years to get here.
To get to a place where I can say… It’s not a flaw or imperfection or mistake that you learn to love. it’s a wonderful difference. A unique detail. Something that should be celebrated wholly. It should be celebrated as you and not just another “flaw” that you have to accept. I shouldn’t start loving a part of me I hated because it has suddenly become a trend in certain parts of the world. I should love me especially when it’s not a trend.
I should celebrate all the different parts that make me who I am for the rest of my life.